Felt_Lizard
Flush
(Red command board light begins flashing along with simultaneous electronic beeping)
"Ensign, what is that? REPORT."
"Donktimiter alert, Captain. Medium strength..."(adjusts peripheral digital scanning dials)
"Location?" (sips coffee)
"Lower quadrant.....looks like Vendor sales, sir....one moment....zeroing.....it's...Chiproom."
"How many?"
"Over a hundred sir. By the look of it ...the Black Friday sale has been anounced."
(Looks up at calendar pinned to bulkhead wall)
"Yeah, I guess it's that time of year again. What chips are going up?(Sips coffee)
"They haven't said yet, sir."
(Scowl-frowns) "Then what the hell are all these jackasses doing in here?"
"Looks like they're posting memes, running inside chip jokes, and just ...cyber-loitering...sir."
"Pathetic!" (slams down coffee mug)
"SIR, YES, SIR!"
"I haven't seen so many brainless,slack-jawed gawkers gathered like this since the day they all piled up for that Poppin self-pity party."
(frowns) "That *was* a bad one, sir."
"Alright Ensign, you know the drill. Log the event, notify IDS via the network, let's do some light imaging, and go ahead and throw the visual up on the main screen. Let's get a look at these wretched little shit-stains."
"One moment, sir."
(Flips a few toggle switches, and the primary forward viewer panel illuminates the entire com deck with what appears to be a screen detailing a personal bank account)
(Gasps then Mumbles)" Oh....shit"
(Toggles a switch and screen goes dark again, and taps a keyboard and re-fires the main viewer with a typical PCF thread screen)
(Taps a finger on armrest)
"Ensign, while we were talking, did you just check the balance on your bank account!?"
(Long pause)
Sir, yes, sir.
"You are a piss-ant, Ensign."
(Stares down at floor.)
"Sir, yes, sir."
"....a ...miserable.... little... piss-ant."
"Captain, yes, sir"
"Ensign, you are at a fundamental level, the same as that rabble in that thread. I see a long stretch down in the latrine in your immediate future."
"Sir, please...that's a bit much, don't you think?"
(Jerks up out of his Captain's chair)
"Ensign, is that INSOLENCE OR INSUBORDINATION I HEAR IN YOUR TONE!? Please tell me now, so I can word it correctly in my report."
(Ensign quietly stands up from his terminal and approaches the captain)
(In a low whisper)
"Captain, I don't think you'll write any reports about this. I was there last year on Black Friday when you slipped over into the NavTel compartment and had Lieutenant Kifer punch up your PayPal account."
(Eyes go wide then, glances around comdeck)
(Seizes the ensign by the arm and then in a barely contained furious whisper)
"You little sonuvabitch! You don't know what the fuck you're talking about! You're about to get yourself..."
(Raises a finger and interrupts the officer but in an even lower whisper)
"Captain....I was also there when PayPal wouldn't let you guys login due to inactivity, and you missed out on the Isle of Capri sets by a couple of minutes, and in your anger, you knocked over your coffee and it spilled straight into the plotting terminal and fried it to hell. I also seem to remember we had to put into port for a whole day to..... *repair some shorted electronics*."
(Officer still holding Ensign's arm, jabs a finger right up in Ensign's face and barely maintains a rageful whisper)
"I could have had those sweet little parrots too, if not for that kniving Kifer! I think that mother fucker might have intentionally slow-walked my fucking login so he could get...."
(Interrupts with a louder voice this time)
"Captain, those electonics....was that gross negligence or intentional sabotage? I want to get the wording right.... in *my* report....sir."
(Officer narrows his eyes, grits his teeth, then releases his grip on Ensign's arm, and coolly sits back down in the command chair and clears his throat)
"As you were, ensign.....return to your station."
"Yes, captain....thank you captain."
(Long pause)
"It's probably just going to be a bunch of ceramics and RHC's anyway."
"Yes, sir. But maybe there'll be nice roulettes?"
"Die in a fire, ensign....."
"Ensign, what is that? REPORT."
"Donktimiter alert, Captain. Medium strength..."(adjusts peripheral digital scanning dials)
"Location?" (sips coffee)
"Lower quadrant.....looks like Vendor sales, sir....one moment....zeroing.....it's...Chiproom."
"How many?"
"Over a hundred sir. By the look of it ...the Black Friday sale has been anounced."
(Looks up at calendar pinned to bulkhead wall)
"Yeah, I guess it's that time of year again. What chips are going up?(Sips coffee)
"They haven't said yet, sir."
(Scowl-frowns) "Then what the hell are all these jackasses doing in here?"
"Looks like they're posting memes, running inside chip jokes, and just ...cyber-loitering...sir."
"Pathetic!" (slams down coffee mug)
"SIR, YES, SIR!"
"I haven't seen so many brainless,slack-jawed gawkers gathered like this since the day they all piled up for that Poppin self-pity party."
(frowns) "That *was* a bad one, sir."
"Alright Ensign, you know the drill. Log the event, notify IDS via the network, let's do some light imaging, and go ahead and throw the visual up on the main screen. Let's get a look at these wretched little shit-stains."
"One moment, sir."
(Flips a few toggle switches, and the primary forward viewer panel illuminates the entire com deck with what appears to be a screen detailing a personal bank account)
(Gasps then Mumbles)" Oh....shit"
(Toggles a switch and screen goes dark again, and taps a keyboard and re-fires the main viewer with a typical PCF thread screen)
(Taps a finger on armrest)
"Ensign, while we were talking, did you just check the balance on your bank account!?"
(Long pause)
Sir, yes, sir.
"You are a piss-ant, Ensign."
(Stares down at floor.)
"Sir, yes, sir."
"....a ...miserable.... little... piss-ant."
"Captain, yes, sir"
"Ensign, you are at a fundamental level, the same as that rabble in that thread. I see a long stretch down in the latrine in your immediate future."
"Sir, please...that's a bit much, don't you think?"
(Jerks up out of his Captain's chair)
"Ensign, is that INSOLENCE OR INSUBORDINATION I HEAR IN YOUR TONE!? Please tell me now, so I can word it correctly in my report."
(Ensign quietly stands up from his terminal and approaches the captain)
(In a low whisper)
"Captain, I don't think you'll write any reports about this. I was there last year on Black Friday when you slipped over into the NavTel compartment and had Lieutenant Kifer punch up your PayPal account."
(Eyes go wide then, glances around comdeck)
(Seizes the ensign by the arm and then in a barely contained furious whisper)
"You little sonuvabitch! You don't know what the fuck you're talking about! You're about to get yourself..."
(Raises a finger and interrupts the officer but in an even lower whisper)
"Captain....I was also there when PayPal wouldn't let you guys login due to inactivity, and you missed out on the Isle of Capri sets by a couple of minutes, and in your anger, you knocked over your coffee and it spilled straight into the plotting terminal and fried it to hell. I also seem to remember we had to put into port for a whole day to..... *repair some shorted electronics*."
(Officer still holding Ensign's arm, jabs a finger right up in Ensign's face and barely maintains a rageful whisper)
"I could have had those sweet little parrots too, if not for that kniving Kifer! I think that mother fucker might have intentionally slow-walked my fucking login so he could get...."
(Interrupts with a louder voice this time)
"Captain, those electonics....was that gross negligence or intentional sabotage? I want to get the wording right.... in *my* report....sir."
(Officer narrows his eyes, grits his teeth, then releases his grip on Ensign's arm, and coolly sits back down in the command chair and clears his throat)
"As you were, ensign.....return to your station."
"Yes, captain....thank you captain."
(Long pause)
"It's probably just going to be a bunch of ceramics and RHC's anyway."
"Yes, sir. But maybe there'll be nice roulettes?"
"Die in a fire, ensign....."
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