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Derail and WTF Merge Thread (49 Viewers)

IMG_1206.jpeg
 
Whether this is bullshit or not, its a fun read.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, documnt their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submittd by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget poundng on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
 
chippitydoodah said:
Whether this is bullshit or not, its a fun read.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, documnt their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submittd by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget poundng on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Click to expand...
This just killed me, so fucking good!
 
chippitydoodah said:
Whether this is bullshit or not, its a fun read.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, documnt their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submittd by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget poundng on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Click to expand...
I laughed, until I realized half these were complaints filed on our fire apparatus and returned by fleet. :(
 
Last edited:
Poker Zombie said:
Sure, we laugh at her.

...but what would you do for an all-expense paid, two week trip to the other side of the world where athletes were using an average of 19 condoms each?
Click to expand...
I suppose we all might rig the selection progress to deny more deserving (read: actual) athletes an opportunity to represent our country.
 
Nymor said:
I read that this particular story is complete nonsense, though I'm obviously happy to be corrected.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I'm on the fence. I've read the debunking info, but I'm not 100% convinced. At any rate, the fact that she made the Olympics will remain suspect.
 
ekricket said:
I hate to see who she beat out. That’s gotta be pretty bad if she’s the best.
Click to expand...
Weirdly hard to look up on internet. Can't find any vids of her Olympic performance. Old Raygun Vids show she used to be better. Vids of her main competition are pretty good.
 
ekricket said:
I hate to see who she beat out. That’s gotta be pretty bad if she’s the best.
Click to expand...
You must have missed my post.

An average of 19 condoms per athlete. Her event was toward the end of the Olympics. You get railed over a dozen times and your pop-and-lock is going to look like a wet towel flopped over a fencepost.
 
Poker Zombie said:
You must have missed my post.

An average of 19 condoms per athlete. Her event was toward the end of the Olympics. You get railed over a dozen times and your pop-and-lock is going to look like a wet towel flopped over a fencepost.
Click to expand...

I think the point that’s being glossed over is that the condoms time aren’t for pop and locks.

On a related note, in the coffee shop this morning

IMG_4641.jpeg
 
Here's Raygun!

1000004260.jpg



Poker Zombie said:
You must have missed my post.

An average of 19 condoms per athlete. Her event was toward the end of the Olympics. You get railed over a dozen times and your pop-and-lock is going to look like a wet towel flopped over a fencepost.
Click to expand...
I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read this! You won the wtf thread today!
 

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