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Giveaway Tell me a joke, win a 10k SST! (2 Viewers)

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A duck walks into a convenience store, waddles up to the counter, and asks the man behind the counter, "Excuse me sir, do you have any grapes?"
The man, a bit taken aback by a talking duck, replies "No, we don't sell grapes here." "Oh well", the duck replies, and waddles out.

The next day, same duck walks into the same convenience, waddles up to the counter, and asks the same man, "Excuse me sir, do you have any grapes?" The man, mildly annoyed at having to repeat himself, says "No, don't have any grapes." "Oh well", the duck replies, and waddles out.

The following day, same duck, same man, same thing. Duck waddles up and asks for some grapes. "We don't have any grapes" the man yells, visibly annoyed at the having to deal with this duck. His yelling doesn't faze the duck though, who, like the previous two days, says "Oh well," and waddles out.

The next day, it happens again. But, before the duck can even get to the counter, the man starts yelling, veins in his neck bulging - "I don't have any frickin' grapes. Stop asking. In fact, the next time that you come in here and ask for grapes I'm going to nail your webbed feet directly to the floor. Now get out!!" "Ok," says the duck calmly "got it." Turns around and waddles out.

Following day, the duck walks in again. The man is silently fuming, hands balled into fists, ready to commit violence, as the duck waddles up to the counter. "Excuse me sir," the duck says, "but do you have any nails?" The man, so surprised at the question, is caught off guard and calms down. "No," he replies, "I don't have any nails here."

"Oh good," the duck replies. "In that case, do you have any grapes?"
 
Pinkdan said:
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Lol the recoil would ensure you never saw that gun again or at worst crack your visor. The steam released would form a dense cloud of ice crystals as well, obscuring your vision.
But with that grip just say goodbye to that gun.
Even if you did hold into it the recoil would start you spinning and tumbling.
 
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.

Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
 
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An old man visited his doctor for help with a problem.
"Doc, I don't know what's wrong, but I fart all the time. It's weird because they are silent and odorless, but they keep coming out. In fact, I've farted about 6 times just sitting here. What can I do?"
The doctor replied, "Here, take one of these pills every morning and then come see me in a week."

A week later, the old man came back to the doctor and he was upset. "Doc, those pills didn't help - they made it worse! I'm still farting, but now they stink something fierce!"
The doctor replied, "Calm down, sir. Now that we've cleared your sinuses, we can work on your hearing."
 
A young couple finds our that she is pregnant for the first time. They are incredibly excited about the birth of their child so they go about getting their house ready, attending classes, reading books, etc. The big day comes and they go to the hospital knowing they will soon be a family of 3. She goes into the delivery room, her husband is by her side and she has the baby. Unfortunately the baby is only a pair of eyes. Nothing else. The nurses take the baby and wrap it up just like they would any other newborn and let the mother hold her child. They of course are shocked but they want to do the best they can for their child. They take it home and try to be the best parents possible. About a week after the baby is born they have a meeting with a doctor to talk about their child. They meet up with the doctor who does a quick examination of the baby then the parents ask "Will our child grow up and be able to run and play like other children?"
The doctor replies, "No. I'm sorry your child is blind."
 
Pirate sits down at the bar and orders a beer. Bartender asks where his buccaneers are? “Arrr, they’re under me ‘buckin hat!”

Pirate walks into a bar with a steeling wheel attached to his “unit”. Bartender asks him what’s up with the steering wheel? “Arrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

Skeleton sits down at the bar and asks for a beer and a mop.

Not exactly a joke but this is my favorite:

Salt & Pepper Diner
 
So Billy wanted to prove his love to his wife Wendy. He decides to tattoo "Wendy" on his penis. This made Wendy very happy, it was proof that he, and "it" for that matter, was all hers!

One day Billy is at a bar and needs to take a leak. At the urinal, he finds himself next to an extremely handsome and muscular man. Billy whips out his dick, and since it's in a "shrunken state", the only visible letters are "Wy". He can't help noticing that the man next to him also has the letters "Wy" showing on his cock, so Billy asks "Hey, do you also have "Wendy" tattooed on your dick?"

No, replies @Mr Winberg, it says "Welcome to Sweden and have a nice day". :cool
 
Guy walks into fancy hotel bar in Boston. Sits and asks for 10 shots of Jagermeister. Bartender is a little surprised but as a seasoned pro says nothing and serves the hooch.
Guy drinks first, second, third and you can clearly tell he does not enjoy the drink.

Finally bartender asks the guy... Excuse me, that is rather extraordinary to have 10 shots of Jagermaister, what is the big occasion?

Guy looks him straight in the eye and says.. First blowjob in my life..

In the at case the eleventh is on the house...

Dont get me wrong - guy replies - but if ten won't kill the taste, eleventh wont make any difference ...
 
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Mr Winberg said:
So Billy wanted to prove his love to his wife Wendy. He decides to tattoo "Wendy" on his penis. This made Wendy very happy, it was proof that he, and "it" for that matter, was all hers!

One day Billy is at a bar and needs to take a leak. At the urinal, he finds himself next to an extremely handsome and muscular man. Billy whips out his dick, and since it's in a "shrunken state", the only visible letters are "Wy". He can't help noticing that the man next to him also has the letters "Wy" showing on his cock, so Billy asks "Hey, do you also have "Wendy" tattooed on your dick?"

No, replies @Mr Winberg, it says "Welcome to Sweden and have a nice day". :cool
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This reminds me of some yomama jokes

Yo mama so fat when she puts on Nike’s it spells Nickelodeon

or

yo mamma so fat when she wears BVDs it spells boulevard
 
ekricket said:
Yo mama so ugly the whole world faked a covid disease just to get her to wear a mask.
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dont get me started on Yo Mama jokes

Yo Mama so fat she needs a boomerang to put her belt on.

Yo Mama so ugly she went into a haunted house and came out with a job application.

yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections.

yo mama so fat when she goes to the beach no one else can get a tan.

yo mama so fat..she has more chins than a chinese phonebook

I got a new sex move called the "WOW"...it's when i take your mom and flip her over.
 
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