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Giveaway Tell me a joke, win a 10k SST! (6 Viewers)

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This one isn't PC so I will use the spoiler tag just in case

Three guys all get a phone call to go see their doctor. One is a smoker, one is a drinker, and one is a gay guy. The doctor called them all in together and told them "the test results are in. You three are near death. If you enjoy your thing one more time YOU WILL DIE FROM IT". The doctor is hoping the three guys can help each other to keep on living.

So the three guys leave together just talking usual small talk while they walk down the street. Then they walk in front of a bar. The drinker looks at the other two and says "There is no way one beer can kill me". He goes into the bar, with the other two guys standing in the doorway. The drinker sits at the bar and orders a beer.

The second that beer touches his lips, he drops over dead.

The other two guys see this and leave together, continuing to walk down the street.

They get to the next intersection, and there sitting on the curb, is a lit cigarette, like someone lit it dropped it and left it there. The gay guy looks at the smoker. The smoker looks at the gay guy. Then the gay guy tells him "you know, you bend down to pick that up and we are both gonna die here"
 
Stolen from reddit/r/jokes

A little boy asks his mother: "Mommy, what is an alcoholic?"
His mother says as she's pointing out the window: "you see those 2 birds in the tree?" "Well", she says, "An alcoholic would see 4 birds".
The little boy responds: "But mommy, there's only one bird out there!"


"Doctor, I think I'm going deaf."​

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Doctor said, "Describe the symptoms."
"Well, Homer is bald, Marge has blue hair..."
 
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money next to a horse stall

The man goes over to the bartender and asks what the set up is for.

"You pay five bucks to go into the stall where the horse is, and if you can make the horse laugh, you win all the money in the jar.

"Easy" the man says. He puts five dollars in the jar, walks up to the horse, whispers in his ear, and the horse starts cracking up. The man takes the money and leaves.

A week later, the man goes back to the bar, where they have the same set up.

"Same bet?" The man asks.

"No, this time you have to make the horse cry"

"Even easier" the man says. So he puts five bucks in the jar, walks up to the horse, and the horse starts crying.

The man is about to take the money and run, but the bartender stops him.

"OK, first, how'd you get the horse to laugh?"

And the man says "I told him I had a bigger dick than he did."

"And how'd you get the horse to cry?" The bartender asks.

@Mr Winberg replies, "I showed him."
 
A husband goes out and buys himself a corvette. When he pulls into the driveway and his wife is furious about the purchase. The husband convinces her to go on a ride with him, when they get back home the wife says “gosh would be nice if someone got me something that went 0-160 in under 4 seconds!” The next day the husband shows up with a scale and says SURPRISE!
 
An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him. The Devil made him an offer. “I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife’s soul, the souls of your children, your parents, grandparents, and those of all the your friends.”

The lawyer thought about it for a moment, then asked, “But what’s the catch?"
 
Teacher asks the kids in spelling class to tell what their father does for a living, and spell it.

First kid says, "My daddy’s a baker. That’s b-a-k-e-r. if he were here right now he would give us all a cookie.

Second kid says, "My daddy’s a banker. That’s b-a-n-k-e-r. if he were here right now he would give us all a dollar."

Next kid says, "My daddy’s an electrician. That’s e-l-a-k…uh, e-l-e-x…uh…."

Teacher interrupts, saying, "That’s okay, Rayford. Think about it and we’ll come back to you."

Turning and shaking her head as little Johnny is raising his hand with gusto she says, "OK, You’re next, Johnny."

Johnny says, "My daddy’s a bookie. That’s b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he were here right now he would give us 100 to 1 that Rayford aint never going to spell electrician."
 
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day when they pass by a bar.
The first guy says, “Let’s go in there for a pint.”
The second guy says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.”
First guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.”
He goes up to the pub, and sure enough, the bouncer says, “I can’t let you in here with that dog.”
He replies, “Oh, I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer says, “Ok then, come on in.”
The second guy sees this and does the same thing.
The bouncer says, “You can’t come in here with a dog.”
He replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer responds, “You have a Chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?”
The second guy exclaims, “They gave me a Chihuahua?”

Sorry to insist, I just love the idea AND the chips!!! :) :) :)
 
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