Silly jokes (1 Viewer)

[MatB]

I want to tell you guys the story of why i have so much gas.

Get comfortable, its a little long winded..

 

[longflop]

There's two muffins in an oven.

One muffin turns to the other and says "Man its hot in here."

The other Muffin turns back and says "Holy Shit, its a talking muffin!"

 

[Lemonzest]

Perhaps a bit off color....but I enjoy dark humour...

They say 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile.

Not me though. I live next to two hot 13 year olds.

 

[FlushBlack]

What one part of Popeye never rusts




The part he puts in Olive Oyl

 

[rowlin]

From a school’s readerboard:

Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at.

 

[ATLarchip]

What happens if you eat too much aluminum?


You sheet metal.

 

[fish72s]

Why do they call them "Working girls" ?

Every time I see one, they are just standing around, doing nothing.

 

[Poker Zombie]

Why do they call them "Working girls" ?

Every time I see one, they are just standing around, doing nothing.

Maybe they're union?

 

[Sprouty]

What do you call a teacher who can't fart in public?

Spoiler

A private tutor!

 

[WedgeRock]

What do you call a teacher who can't fart in public?

Spoiler

A private tutor!

 

[MegaTon44]

 

[Beakertwang]

What's green and has wheels?

Spoiler

Grass. (I was lying about the wheels.)

 

[Klobberer]

Do you know why dogs lick their balls ?
Because they can !

Nope, because they know they'll be licking your face next!

 

[Klobberer]

Why did the other prostitutes hate the hookers with two vaginas? They couldn't stand her "holier than thou" attitude.

 

[Klobberer]

How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag? First you cut the "S" out of Safe and then cut the "f" out of way...there is no "f" in way...exactly!

 

[Klobberer]

What do when you cross a migrant farm worker with an octopus?



I don't know either, but it sure can pick tomatoes!

Apologies...

 

[Klobberer]

Chief Sitting Duck walks into the general store and tells the proprietor, "me needum toilet paper". Proprietor shows him the Red Cloud brand for one wampum, the Blue cloud brand for two wampum and some no name brand for fifty cents. Chief is a little low on funds, so he takes the no name brand. The following week the chief comes back and says, "me have name for no name toilet paper. Proprietor asks him what he is going to call it. Chief says "I call it John Wayne". Proprietor asks, "why"? Chief says, "Because it's rough, tough and no takeum shit off indian"!

 

[Klobberer]

How many mosquitos does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only two, but I don't know how you get them in there.

 

[Klobberer]

Have you ever smelled moth balls? How did you get their little legs apart?

 

[rowlin]

Let’s talk about the meaning of the word “silly” for a moment, please.

 

[FlushBlack]

Been too long since the last joke....Here's one from our PM back in the day with a couple of America's Cup winners

 

[gmunny]

Well, well, well ...

Spoiler

three holes in the ground

 

[WedgeRock]

What is an advantage to living in Sweden?

Spoiler

Well the flag is a big plus...

 

[legend672]

What did Gronk say to the football ?

 

[PAZ]

What did Gronk say to the football ?

Catch you later!
I love when Guillermo talks to Bill!

 

[liftapint]

 

[Beakertwang]

Dr. Bernard, a podiatrist, was surprised to walk into the exam room and see a moth sitting on the table.

“What seems to be the problem?” he asked.

The moth began to share. “I feel like my life is falling apart. My wife is leaving me, my kids despise me. I’m failing at my job. And there’s this voice in my head telling me I should just end it all. What should I do?”

“Look,” said Dr. Bernard, “I’m very sorry to hear about your struggles, but I’m a foot doctor. You need a psychiatrist. What are you doing here?”

The moth sighed deeply and sadly, the despair in his voice palpable. “The light was on.”

 

[bsdunbar1]

A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the teller. He sees the tellers name tag read Paddy Black and says

"I'd like to take out a loan, Mrs. Black"

"Certainly," says the teller, "how much would that be for?"

"One million dollars." replies the frog.

The teller is understandably taken aback by this, and asks if the frog has any collateral to cover this.

"As a matter of fact, I do!" says the frog, and he reaches into his pocket and hands over a tiny ceramic elephant.

"Wait right here" the teller says, as she storms into the back room, looking for her manager.

"There's a frog out there who wants a million dollar loan. He even gave me this as collateral," she says, holding up the elephant. "I mean, what even is this?"

The manager takes a look at the elephant and replies "It's a knick knack, Paddy Black, give the frog a loan.

 

[abby99]

@Trihonda

 

[SixSpeedFury]

Figured I'd revive this thread since we're in quarantine and all.

You're riding a horse at top speed. A giraffe pulls alongside you and a lion is chasing you. What do you do?

Spoiler

Get off the carousel, you're drunk!