Silly jokes (2 Viewers)

[Mr Winberg]

Who invented copper wire?

Two Scotsmen fighting over a penny

"Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common. they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips." - Frankie Boyle

 

[raynmanas]

What has 9 arms and sucks?

Def Leppard

 

[kerami]

How do you make a Swiss roll?

push him down a hill

That reminded me of

How do you make a Mexican chilli?
Take him to the North Pole.

 

[BonScot]

That reminded me of

How do you make a Mexican chilli?
Take him to the North Pole.

How do you make a Maltese cross?

Kiss his girlfriend

 

[Mr Winberg]

A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a bar.

 

[Pinball]

A rabbi dies and comes into the Tron Hall of God.

Rabbi: oh Yahweh oh Yahweh something bad has happened.

God: what happened my son

Rabbi: I am a rabbi in the seventh generation, but my son became a Christian.

God: The same thing happened to me.

Rabbi: And what did you do?

God: I wrote a new testament.

 

[WedgeRock]

One works a bit better than the other Having a symmetric plus is always a...eh...what's the word I'm looking for...advantage? No...something similar...

I was just repeating the joke my 13 year old told at the dinner table. But I'll withdraw the joke based on a lack of symmetry...

 

[Mr Winberg]

I was just repeating the joke my 13 year old told at the dinner table. But I'll withdraw the joke based on a lack of symmetry...

Hey, keep it! An asymmetrical plus is still a plus. Plus, the plus punchline was funny!

 

[Big Jilm]

 

[BonScot]

Just back from the shops. Guy tells me all his cakes are £1 apart from these. Anyone know why?

 

[allforcharity]

Just back from the shops. Guy tells me all his cakes are £1 apart from these. Anyone know why?

To quote Mike Myers: because "if it ain't Scottish, it's crap"?

 

[Mr Winberg]

 

[Coyote]

-"Mr. Winberg, I have the honour to ask your daughter's hand"
-"But don't you have a hand of your own, young man?"
-"Yes, but it's tired after all those years".

 

[Saoliver]

I'm trying to do more lunges in my workouts lately.

I'm making strides. I feel it's a step forward.

 

[Beakertwang]

Even if I go completely bald, I’ll always carry my trusty comb.

I just don’t think I’ll be able to part with it.

 

[Saoliver]

 

[moose]

I'll never look at a map of the USA the same way again.

 

[Saoliver]

 

[Mr Winberg]

 

[hornhighyo]

What did the zero say to the eight.



nice belt!

 

[BonScot]

Pirate goes to the doctor as he has moles on his back and he’s worried they might be cancerous.

The doctor takes a look and says “they’re benign”

The pirate says “no there be ten. I counted them meself”

 

[Mr Winberg]

Pirate goes to the doctor as he has moles on his back and he’s worried they might be cancerous.

The doctor takes a look and says “they’re benign”

The pirate says “no there be ten. I counted them meself”

Similar

 

[buzzmonkey]

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. Nurse asks the rabbit, "What type are you?" Rabbit says, "Most likely a Type O."

 

[Poker Zombie]

A little mental snack to chew on...

Infant diapers are named things like Huggies & Luvs, but adult diapers are named Depends.

Probably because people still Hug and Luv babies with poopie diapers, but when adults have poopie diapers, the amount of love Depends on the size of the inheritance.

 

[CRAW]

Did you hear about the recently discovered old footage of Bruce Lee’s brother? He’s quicker, faster, stronger…. His name is Sudden Lee.

 

[rowlin]

I bought a chicken to make sandwiches.

It doesn’t.

 

[CRAW]

You hear about Tom Brady, and how much they charged him for his ear piercings???

A buck an ear. (Buccaneer)

 

[mike32]

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar.

The bartender sighs and says “Oh no not you two again”

 

[Poker Zombie]

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar.

The bartender sighs and says “Oh no not you two again”

I read that, and was like "Irish joke?" Topical news I don't know about?

Oh well carry on...

20 minutes later, while responding to a fire alarm

Oh shit... "You two"

That's some premium time-delay joke right there.

 

[Mr Winberg]

I read that, and was like "Irish joke?" Topical news I don't know about?

Oh well carry on...

20 minutes later, while responding to a fire alarm

Oh shit... "You two"

That's some premium time-delay joke right there.

So you arrived at the scene, total carnage, people burning, screaming, crying, then you burst out laughing?