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Silly jokes (4 Viewers)
- Thread starter liftapint
- Start date
Next time you 're feeling down, remember life is all about perspective.
I have a friend who exercises twice a day, has sex twice a day, reads two books per week, yet he complains about how much he hates prison.
I have a friend who exercises twice a day, has sex twice a day, reads two books per week, yet he complains about how much he hates prison.
AllHoosier
3 of a Kind
A good buddy of mine has a pair of tickets to the Super Bowl - 40 yard line, box seats. He paid $6K for the pair. Unfortunately he didn’t realize when he bought them that it was the same day as his wedding. If you’re interested, he’s looking for someone to take his place. The wedding is at Calvary Church in San Clemente at 3:00PM. The bride’s name is Meghan. She’s smart, gorgeous, and will be the one in the white dress.
The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop, walks up to the counter and says “make me one with everything.”
kerami
High Hand
... That will be $11 sir
-Here's a $20
-Thank you sir.
- What about my change?
- Change comes from within!
WedgeRock
Royal Flush
"I'm sorry" and "My bad" mean the same thing...
...unless you're at a funeral.
...unless you're at a funeral.
Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
A: You track the fresh prints!
A: You track the fresh prints!
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
some obscure number you wouldn’t know
PhillyPoker
Pair
This is my favorite joke, but prob not everyone’s humor.
Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."
The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion. The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish. First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm. Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him. Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish. First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more. Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already. Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around. The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years." Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed." Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:
Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."
The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion. The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish. First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm. Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him. Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish. First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more. Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already. Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around. The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years." Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed." Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:
"Guys, I think I fucked up."
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell butter!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
Mr Winberg
Full House
WedgeRock
Royal Flush
The police made an arrest of a serial killer who was targeting medical examiners and attacking them with a sword.
It was pretty easy actually, he was cutting coroners.
"The bad news, Mr. Smith, is that your beloved son is now a transexual lady.
The good news is that he 's been voted Miss Springtime 2022"
The good news is that he 's been voted Miss Springtime 2022"
WedgeRock
Royal Flush
How does the butcher introduce his wife?
Meet Patty.
WedgeRock
Royal Flush
So my son's car has been acting up. I believe it's a transmission issue. We took the car in to a dealership where a distant family member, Bryan, is the head of the service department.
Then this exchange with my son happened. I was out dad joked.
Then this exchange with my son happened. I was out dad joked.
Last edited:
Mr Winberg
Full House
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