Silly jokes (4 Viewers)

[Chipandchair]

Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from going into your eyes but whenever I have something in my eye it's always an eyelash.

Spoiler

eyeronic

 

[mburnznj]

What did the police officer say to his bellybutton?




You're under a vest.

 

[Chipandchair]

An emergency call: "Come quick, my friend was bitten by a wolf!"

Operator: "Where?"

Caller: "No, a regular one!"

 

[Mr Winberg]

 

[Beakertwang]

So a priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a blood center. The priest says "I'm pretty sure I’m a type A negative.” The imam says "I'm pretty sure I’m a type B positive". The rabbit says...

Spoiler

I’m pretty sure I’m a type O.

 

[Chipandchair]

 

[Coyote]

Married women's talk:
-"What about your sex life?"
-"Great! two times a day, 14 times a week"
-"Wow, what a husband! How can he put up with this?"
-"I 've never told him"

 

[joeyshin]

Two guys are sitting at a bar when one says to the other to stay for another drink.
Man says, “I can’t. Every time I stay out late drinking my wife is furious.
I can’t even sneak in without her knowing. I shut off my car and headlights and coast into the driveway, open the door silently, creep up the stairs quiet as a mouse, take my clothes off in the bathroom and slide into bed and she starts yelling at me.”

Other man says, “What I do is screech into the driveway and park the car in the lawn, slam the front door as I stomp up the stairs, whip off my clothes and jump into bed while slapping her ass yelling WHO’S HORNY BABY!? She’s asleep every time.”

 

[BonScot]

 

[Coyote]

Wife to husband: "My gynaecologist told me that we can't have sex for the following two weeks"
Husband: "Why?"
Wife: "He 's suffering from back pain"

By the way, gynaeca is the Greek for woman

 

[joeyshin]

Wife to husband: "My gynaecologist told me that we can't have sex for the following two weeks"
Husband: "Why?"
Wife: "He 's suffering from back pain"

By the way, gynaeca is the Greek for woman

Husband: "Well...what did your dentist say?"

 

[Mr Winberg]

Husband: "Well...what did your dentist say?"

Wife: "He said "There, you may spit now"."

 

[Steverino]

Husband comes up to bed and tries to talk his wife into having sex.
She says no, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to be fresh.
Husband asks " You don't have a dentist appointment tomorrow, do you?"

 

[Machine]

Why don't you play poker at the Zoo?

Its full of cheetahs

 

[warma]

My boss appeared at my desk the other day as angry as can be… “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you all day!”


“You know boss, good employees are hard to find.”

 

[Chipandchair]

 

[Mr Winberg]

View attachment 1127003

I hope your not one of them!

 

[HeWhoWouldPun]

I recently got back from a cruise but I wasn't able to play a single card game in the casino...

Spoiler: Punchline?

because the captain was standing on the deck.

 

[HeWhoWouldPun]

 

[BonScot]

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said…


…


…


…


…


“No”

 

[Mr Winberg]

Edit: my joke didn't fit the thread

 

[BonScot]

 

[Mr Winberg]

 

[Taghkanic]

Dead baby jokes, back to 1999 we go!!!

1999? Those were a thing in the early 80s

 

[KingZilla]

Two men are out walking their dogs on a hot day when they come upon an open bar. One man says "I'd love to grab a cold beer in there but we've got the dogs with us". The second man says "They will allow service dogs in there. Just follow my lead and pretend you're blind". The two guys go in and feel around for bar stools and sit and order 2 cold beers. The bartender questions if the dogs are really seeing-eye dogs. They men replied "Yes, of course". The bartender turns to one man and says "I didn't know Chihuahuas could be seeing eye dogs". The man (moving his head around like Stevie Wonder) with his eyes shut replies "They gave me a Chihuahua???"

 

[Nine_high]

Where did the general put his armies?

Spoiler

In his sleevies!

 

[Nine_high]

What's the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?

Spoiler

People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones. But people from Abu Dhabi do!

 

[Nine_high]

What did the thesaurus make for breakfast?

Spoiler

Synonym rolls!

 

[Mr Winberg]

What do you call the device that modifies air flow in order to increase fuel efficiency or improve handling in automobiles?

Spoiler

 

[Nine_high]

I stayed up all night, staring at the sky, wondering why I couldn't see the sun rising. Then, it dawned on me.