Silly jokes (25 Viewers)

[BonScot]

I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner – it was just collecting dust.

 

[BonScot]

Somebody complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’

 

[tabletalker7]

 

[BarrieJ3]

What’s the difference between an Owl, a Fish, and a Piano?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!

Baahahaha.

 

[joeyshin]

What’s the difference between an Owl, a Fish, and a Piano?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!

Baahahaha.

He’s waiting for someone to say “what about the owl”

 

[BarrieJ3]

He’s waiting for someone to say “what about the owl”

What’s the difference between Gum, a Fish, and a Piano?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!

 

[joeyshin]

What’s the difference between Gum, a Fish, and a Piano?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!

What about the gum?

 

[BarrieJ3]

What about the gum?

I knew you’d get stuck on that.

(Lmao thanks for playing along)

 

[chippitydoodah]

That was a hoot

 

[joeyshin]

This is one I like telling my Christian friends

One night I had a dream I was walking about the beach with Bigfoot. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to Bigfoot, "You promised me, bigfoot, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of prints in the sand.
Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?"
bigfoot turned around, look me staight in the eyes and said,

Spoiler

"HHHHRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!”

 

[Nine_high]

I love puns so much, I've decided to write a musical about them. It's going to be a play on words.

 

[Nine_high]

I am reading Neil deGrasse Tyson's new book about anti-gravity. It's so good! I can't put it down.

 

[Wils]

"Doctor, I can't hear anything in my left ear."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm definite."

 

[Nine_high]

Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that blew up?

Spoiler

de Brie was everywhere!

 

[ATLarchip]

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over them.

 

[Mr Winberg]

My four year old son can't say "please" in Spanish, which is poor for 4, isn't it?

 

[BonScot]

My great grandad was from Belfast and a family legend is that he actually warned people that the Titanic was going to sink.

Nobody listened to him but he kept warning them and warning them until finally he was asked to leave the cinema…

 

[Nine_high]

What do you call a fake noodle?

Spoiler

An impasta!

 

[chippitydoodah]

What did the lesbian pirate with two wooden legs say to her girlfriend?

Spoiler

Scissor me timbers

 

[inapinch]

 

[WedgeRock]

You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water.

If it sinks, it's a girl ant. But if it floats...

 

[kerami]

Autocorrect made this joke a puzzle...
But it's solvable, even with the last piece missing

 

[Poker Zombie]

You can tell the gender of an any by dropping it in water.

If it sinks, it's a girl ant. But if it floats...

This joke probably works much better without the typo.

 

[Nine_high]

I always make sure to say "mucho" to my Spanish speaking friends. It means a lot to them.

 

[chippitydoodah]

Where do bad rainbows go?

Spoiler

To prism
Its a light sentence, but gives them time to reflect

 

[rowlin]

 

[BonScot]

What’s E.T. Short for?







Coz he’s got wee legs.

 

[cosmokramer]

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn‘t change colors?


Had a reptile dysfunction.

 

[Mr Winberg]

 

[Chipandchair]