Silly jokes (30 Viewers)

[Coyote]

 

[Timmah]

The zoo was going to have a Vegas night to raise money for the animals. However, they had to cancel it at the last minute when they realized they had too many cheetahs.

 

[Mr Winberg]

 

[BonScot]

Remember when buying a cucumber to always put a jar of Vaseline in your basket otherwise people might think you’re a vegan.

 

[Beakertwang]

Before deciding whether your spaceship can carry a cryogenic pod containing a superhuman, you must weigh the frozen Khans.

 

[joeyshin]

Just read this today and i laughed out loud LOLLOLL



Interviewer: How much amount of milk does your cow produce?
Farmer: which one, black one or white one?
Interviewer: Black one
Farmer: 2 litres per day.
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: 2 litres per day.
Interviewer : Where do they sleep?
Farmer: The Black one or the. White one?
Interviewer: The black one
Farmer : In the Barn
Interviewer: And the White one?
Farmer: In the Barn also
Interviewer: Your cows look healthy... What do you feed them?
Farmer: which one..black one or white one?
Interviewer: Black one
Farmer: Grass
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: Grass
Interviewer: (Annoyed) but why do you keep on asking if black one or white one when answers are just the same??
Farmer: Because the black one is mine.
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: Its also mine.

 

[chippitydoodah]

Just read this today and i laughed out loud LOLLOLL



Interviewer: How much amount of milk does your cow produce?
Farmer: which one, black one or white one?
Interviewer: Black one
Farmer: 2 litres per day.
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: 2 litres per day.
Interviewer : Where do they sleep?
Farmer: The Black one or the. White one?
Interviewer: The black one
Farmer : In the Barn
Interviewer: And the White one?
Farmer: In the Barn also
Interviewer: Your cows look healthy... What do you feed them?
Farmer: which one..black one or white one?
Interviewer: Black one
Farmer: Grass
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: Grass
Interviewer: (Annoyed) but why do you keep on asking if black one or white one when answers are just the same??
Farmer: Because the black one is mine.
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: Its also mine.

 

[Beakertwang]

Two communists were talking. The first one asked his comrade, "if you had two houses, would you give me one?" "Of course," he answered. "You're my fellow communist."

"If you had two cars, would you give me one?" "Of course," was the reply. "Anything for a comrade!"

"Well, if you had two chickens, would you give me one?" Surprisingly, the answer was a firm "no!"

"No? Why not?"

"Because I have two chickens."

 

[BonScot]

Sean Connery in a lift (elevator).

Woman gets in next to him.

“Oh my god. You’re James Bond”.

“Yesh I am”

“I love your movies”

“Thanksh”

“I love all the gadgets”

“Yesh they’re fun”

“I like your watch. Did you get that from Q?”

“Yesh I did”

“Ooh what does it do?”

“It’s an X-ray watch”

“Oh that’s embarrassing. Can you see my underwear?”

“Yesh”

“Oh my. What colour is my underwear?”

“You’re not wearing any”

“Wrong. My underwear is blue. Your watch doesn’t work”

“Musht be five minutes fasht”

 

[Nine_high]

Why do we always tell performers to break a leg before they audition?

Spoiler

because then they are sure to be in the cast

 

[KingZilla]

I once got 2 small pet turtles. I liked the names "cuff" and "link" but they were used in the ROCKY film so I decided to name them
"Sam 'n Ella".

 

[KingZilla]

In space, no one can hear you scream = In space, no one can. Here, use cream.

Yes. That is from the movie "Aliens".
From the new movie "Illegal Aliens": ... In the back of a windowless van, no one can hear you scream.

 

[BonScot]

What do you call an Irish sex offender?

Pat McGroin

 

[4SUMERZ]

A bunch of guys are back from a day of hunting ducks, are sitting around the camp fireplace, when one guy spots the hunting dog licking his nuts.
The guys says, I wish I could do that
One of the others says...Go Ahead, I'm sure the dog won't mind!

 

[Benjaminotaur]

Why did the apothecary give Romeo elixir to drink instead of pills to swallow?

Because Montagues and caplets don’t mix

 

[chippitydoodah]

Why did the apothecary give Romeo elixir to drink instead of pills to swallow?

Because Montagues and caplets don’t mix

 

[Klobberer]

A bunch of guys are back from a day of hunting ducks, are sitting around the camp fireplace, when one guy spots the hunting dog licking his nuts.
The guys says, I wish I could do that
One of the others says...Go Ahead, I'm sure the dog won't mind!

I always heard it as..."Go ahead, but you might want to pet him first."

 

[EmptyPocs]

What do you call an Irish sex offender?

Pat McGroin

and where is Pat MacGroin?

 

[chippitydoodah]

and where is Pat MacGroin?

With Phil McCrackin

 

[BonScot]

With Phil McCrackin

That was the punchline to a different joke.

 

[Taghkanic]

Dead baby jokes, back to 1999 we go!!!

1999? These were big in the early 80s when I was in 6th grade

 

[BonScot]

I’m going to get a job hanging mirrors.

It’s something I can see myself doing.

 

[EmptyPocs]

1999? These were big in the early 80s when I was in 6th grade

lol
i will push it back to the late 70's ?
---must be historic youtube about it
i remember those stupid kid jokes
"what do you call a blue baby in the corner..."

 

[chippitydoodah]

What do you call an Irish sex offender?


Peter File?

 

[tabletalker7]

1999? These were big in the early 80s when I was in 6th grade

6th grade was all about the mama jokes

 

[BonScot]

What do you call an Irish sex offender?


Peter File?

Pete O’Phile is another punchline to another joke

 

[ATLarchip]

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

The teacher woke him up.

 

[KingZilla]

With Phil McCrackin

... and Seymour Crotch.

 

[4SUMERZ]

What did baby corn say to mom corn?





Where's pop corn?

 

[4SUMERZ]

Parallel lines have so much in common it's a shame they will never meet.