All start with:
Please, no food on the card tables.
Always use a cup holder for your drinks.
In addition...
Red Table Seat 2 (center of table, directly across from the biggest monitor)
Best view of the monitors and easy to deal. Just don’t expect any more good cards... you just used up all your luck for the night.
Red Table Seat 3:
Limit one seat per person.
Red Table Seat 4:
Seat changes permitted only when down to one table, and does not alter the order of play.
Red Table Seat 5 (an end seat on the oval)
Long way to deal, hard to see the monitor. Nobody wants this seat.
At least your playing cards can’t look worse than your seating card.
Red Table Seat 6:
This is your seat. There are many seats like it, but this one is yours.
Red Table Seat 7:
This card has been sealed for your protection.
Red Table Seat 8:
Do not fold, spindle, mutilate, or eat this card.
Red Table Seat 9 (in front of the couch):
There is a towel hidden on the couch behind your seat. If there is a spill on the table, you will stun and amaze all by producing a towel without ever getting up.
Red Table Seat 10 (closest to the kitchen and to the bathrooms):
E-Z in, E-Z out parking for your butt.
Green Table Seat 1:
This is the coolest seat in the house.
It’s sitting right over the AC vent.
Green Table Seat 2:
If you are the first player eliminated, you may as well rebuy.
When everyone else is seated, you can’t get out anyway.
Green Table Seat 3 (in the corner of the room):
Have you been bad? Go sit in the corner.
Green Table Seat 4 (important to know this table is often referred to as "the kiddie table"):
This is the fun table. If you are such a grouch that you can’t even smile at puppies or a rainbow, then we cant help you.
Green Table Seat 5:
At the time this card was printed, nobody has ever won after starting in this seat.
Let me be the first to say “good luck all-in”.
Green table Seat 6:
Do not fold, spindle, mutilate, or eat this card.
Green Table Seat 7:
There are two monitors with a blind clock in this room.
From this chair you can’t see either one very easily.
Green Table Seat 8:
We once hired a ninja to see if he could get a card across the table from this seat. He failed and committed seppuku. Please don’t disembowel yourself while the action is on you.
When the Brown Table is used as the Kiddie Table in the main room instead of the green table...
Brown Table Seat 1:
You received this seat because you were the second highest finisher that attended the last event. You are the King of the Kids table.
Brown Table Seat 2:
Chances are very good that I put spare chip racks behind your chair. If you win all the chips at your table, it will be so easy to carry them all. The player in seat 7 has no racks near them. Take them out first.
Brown Table Seat 3:
There is a floor vent behind you. Don’t fall through.
Brown Table Seat 4:
Do not fold, spindle, mutilate, or eat this card. Yes, this joke comes up a lot.
Brown Table Seat 5:
All federal, state and local income and other taxes are solely the responsibility of the winner.
Brown Table Seat 6:
All materials copyrighted, probably by somebody else.
Brown Table Seat 7:
I’d watch out for anyone in seat 2.
It looks like they’re eyeballing you a little too much.
Brown Table Seat 8:
Any resemblance to actual persons, living, dead, or undead is unintentional and purely coincidental… Except on the Hall of Fame chips. That’s intentional.
Brown Table when it's set up in the kitchen...
Brown 1
You received this seat because you were the third highest finisher that attended the previous event. If you read the first issue of Inside the Zombie’s Brain, you already knew that though.
Brown 2
Do not fold, spindle, mutilate, or eat this card.
There’s plenty of food and you’re already in the kitchen, so why would you eat this card anyway?
Brown 3
Want to be in the main room with everyone else? Eliminate everyone at your table and we will move you there quickly.
Brown 4
Breaking a mirror brings seven years bad luck.
Bending this card brings seven hands of bad luck.
Brown 5
The back door is right behind you. If a mosquito gets in, it will bite you first. Just a thought in case someone leaves the door open.
Brown 6
Do not read this card while driving. If you do, turn around and bring this card back. You should not be going home with this card.
Brown 7 (directly in front of the buffet)
Please, no food on the card tables.
I mean... Really, the food is just an arms reach away anyway.
Brown 8:
This card is not to be used as a personal flotation device.