Fugly Poker Table Thread (37 Viewers)

[Poker Zombie]

I wish I had $9000 to spend on a poker table. I really do.

I wouldn't buy that piece of shit, but I would send @T_Chan a check for $9000 with the instructions "make it awesome".

I'll give you 1000:1 odds that Tony's table is better.

 

[Beakertwang]

This one is expandable! Leaf and chairs included!

 

[Poker Zombie]

This one is expandable! Leaf and chairs included!
View attachment 193457
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It's not often you can find a table with both mouse shit and bird shit included.

 

[PokerShark]

This beauty is currently on eBay now.

Custom poker tables readily available in the UK too.

 

[Klobberer]

In 'murica, thats $200 in materials, $30 in beer and an easy afternoon. I already have the tools...

 

[Beakertwang]

This beauty is currently on eBay now.

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Custom poker tables readily available in the UK too.

10-14 hrs/week or 5 months? He must be the world’s slowest carpenter.

 

[Poker Zombie]

Someone needs to tell him that he doesn't need a new mortiser, spindle moulder, saw, router, trimmer, miter and other tools for every table.

In fact I built my table with a just a saw, screwdriver and staple gun. I dont even know what a spindle moulder is.

 

[Schmendr1ck]

I didn't realize the crack epidemic was so bad in the UK.

For the record, I'll be more than happy to build anyone a poker table if they pay for new tools, materials, and 200 hours of labor.

Oh, sorry. LABOUR.

 

[morrotito]

This beauty is currently on eBay now.

View attachment 193471
View attachment 193472
Custom poker tables readily available in the UK too.

200 hours on that??? ummm...someone took a few too many cigarette breaks and not enough carpentry lessons. Looks more like he forgot to put the holes inside for the pool table and re-purposed it to make it a poker table instead.

At least he can make us any size we want. That's good, maybe add an extra foot for another 40 hours of work.

 

[Beakertwang]

Someone needs to tell him that he doesn't need a new mortiser, spindle moulder, saw, router, trimmer, miter and other tools for every table.

In fact I built my table with a just a saw, screwdriver and staple gun. I dont even know what a spindle moulder is.

You haven’t lived until you moulded a spindle.

 

[longflop]

So using the most recent conversion rate, there is $750 in materials there? Unless those cupholders are platinum, that's a bit of a stretch....

 

[Klobberer]

Maybe he bought a brand new snooker table and retrofitted it. I'm not sure how much a snooker table costs, but it must be expensive...

 

[WedgeRock]

I can't believe he purchased a router and didn't put a soft chamfer on the rail corners.

Rule #1 of selling: if you have to justify your costs, your product is overpriced.

 

[Klobberer]

Maybe he sourced the wood from the remains of Noah's ark? Is the felt the shroud of Turin?

 

[Klobberer]

Neal Peart does have a drum kit made from a 1500 year old tree trunk, this guy must have bought the scraps.

 

[morrotito]

Maybe he can build a top on it, and put the coffin poker table inside and slide it through the spindle poker table endless hole and let it fall into the sea.

 

[One Eyed Dollar]

 

[Jimulacrum]

View attachment 193792

Looking at this photo just gave me emphysema.

 

[Poker Zombie]

• A rail you cannot rest your arms on
• dice chips
• paper cards
• cheap, pilling, uneven felt
• 2x6 chunk of wood footrest (indicative of improper table height)
• fuse box ripped off the wall - not sure what this means, but "quality" is right out the fucking window.
• dividers so your neighbor doesn't steal your... mead? Bud Light? Moonshine?
• room filled with mildew/black mold.
• random shit laying around

How is this thing still available? oop:

 

[One Eyed Dollar]

I forgot to mention that the table is listed for the low, low price of $350!

 

[BGinGA]

View attachment 193792

• A rail you cannot rest your arms on
• dice chips
• paper cards
• cheap, pilling, uneven felt
• 2x6 chunk of wood footrest (indicative of improper table height)
• fuse box ripped off the wall - not sure what this means, but "quality" is right out the fucking window.
• dividers so your neighbor doesn't steal your... mead? Bud Light? Moonshine?
• room filled with mildew/black mold.
• random shit laying around

How is this thing still available? oop:

Hey, at least the racetrack is on the ~outside~ of the rail. Always look for the silver lining.

 

[Poker Zombie]

Hey. sometimes, a racetrack is fine inside the rail.

Always look for the exceptions to the rule.

 

[BGinGA]

Hey. sometimes, a racetrack is fine inside the rail.

Always look for the exceptions to the rule.

God, I love that table. Can also proudly say that I was able to take a saw to it this week.

 

[WedgeRock]

 

[BGinGA]

View attachment 193792

That chip tray is worth more than everything else in the entire room combined. "Which of these things is not like the others?"

 

[Klobberer]

Wonder if the cafeteria trays come out for easy cleaning?

 

[Poker Zombie]

$20?

I present to you, the first terrible table builder that is not delusional.

...or a very recently ex-wife.

 

[Hot Nuts]

8-Person Poker Table - $200

4'x5' poker table big enough for 8 people. Completely hand-made and still in amazing shape. Peter Dinklage (Tyrion Lannister) once played a game with us.

 

[morrotito]

8-Person Poker Table - $200

4'x5' poker table big enough for 8 people. Completely hand-made and still in amazing shape. Peter Dinklage (Tyrion Lannister) once played a game with us.

Oh my. Well if Tyrion played on it, then it must be worth it. Someone should call "dracarys" on this table.

Those pineapples though. ;P

 

[Klobberer]

He would be the only player short enough to comfortably play at that table.