@Taghkanic I genuinely respect your approach to this. Within a longstanding group of friends, you have discovered that one is cheating at the regular poker game you host. I agree that this is not quite as simple as many here have made it out to be.
You are considering not only the impact that your actions will have on the poker game but also perhaps more importantly how that will affect the people involved on a human level.
In my opinion, everything you have said thus far reflects your desire to seek justice (which may be needed to preserve the integrity of your game) without causing unnecessary damage to valued friendships. That is no simple task, and I commend your efforts.
Some players/friends may not be satisfied unless an exacting consequence is suffered by the cheat. They demand justice. Others may not be satisfied unless mercy is granted. They favor forgiveness. This paradox has many other life applications.
In The Count of Monte Cristo, which I referenced above, there is a character named Jacopo. He is a member of a crew of thieves and he keeps some stolen treasure for himself---which is of course strictly forbidden, even among thieves. In the story, the head of the crew (Luigi Vampa) was going to bury Jacopo alive to punish him for stealing so as to maintain harmony within the crew and avoid mutiny. But Luigi knows, despite Jacopo's foul actions, that some members of the crew would favor mercy over justice, because they are Jacopo's friends. And so a "knife fight to the death" against Zatara becomes an opportunity for Jacopo's life to be spared... because he is a great knife fighter. When Zatara, rather than Jacopo, wins the knife fight, he asks to spare Jacopo's life and suggests a win-win proposition, leveraging his knowledge that some members of the crew wanted justice and others wanted mercy for their friend. It is an unusual movie reference, but I hope you get the point I'm trying to make here.
In your situation, it may be difficult to find a win-win scenario. Others in this thread have even referred to it as a lose-lose proposition. But I myself prefer to view every challenge as an opportunity in disguise. Maybe... just maybe... you can find a solution that brings about enough justice to satisfy those harmed by the cheat while simultaneously showing some level of mercy to their friend.
The justice-first approach would demand banishment of this player from the game and at the same time a loss of trust and friendship. A mercy-first approach might allow this guy to remain a friend and perhaps even a member of the poker crew.
If you only enforce justice or grant mercy, then somebody will not be happy about it. That is the lose-lose proposition.
But as a person who values friendship over poker and refuses to see this as a lose-lose scenario, my question would be... is there an alternative consequence (other than banishment and simultaneous loss of friendship) that could satisfy the need for justice but also satisfy the desire for mercy?
To me, whatever you do, the only way to get a win-win out of this will be to find a way satisfy both. What that way is, I leave to you.
But I again want to commend you @Taghkanic for what I perceive as your integrity, character and a genuine desire to do what is right. You have my respect and admiration.
You are considering not only the impact that your actions will have on the poker game but also perhaps more importantly how that will affect the people involved on a human level.
In my opinion, everything you have said thus far reflects your desire to seek justice (which may be needed to preserve the integrity of your game) without causing unnecessary damage to valued friendships. That is no simple task, and I commend your efforts.
Some players/friends may not be satisfied unless an exacting consequence is suffered by the cheat. They demand justice. Others may not be satisfied unless mercy is granted. They favor forgiveness. This paradox has many other life applications.
In The Count of Monte Cristo, which I referenced above, there is a character named Jacopo. He is a member of a crew of thieves and he keeps some stolen treasure for himself---which is of course strictly forbidden, even among thieves. In the story, the head of the crew (Luigi Vampa) was going to bury Jacopo alive to punish him for stealing so as to maintain harmony within the crew and avoid mutiny. But Luigi knows, despite Jacopo's foul actions, that some members of the crew would favor mercy over justice, because they are Jacopo's friends. And so a "knife fight to the death" against Zatara becomes an opportunity for Jacopo's life to be spared... because he is a great knife fighter. When Zatara, rather than Jacopo, wins the knife fight, he asks to spare Jacopo's life and suggests a win-win proposition, leveraging his knowledge that some members of the crew wanted justice and others wanted mercy for their friend. It is an unusual movie reference, but I hope you get the point I'm trying to make here.
In your situation, it may be difficult to find a win-win scenario. Others in this thread have even referred to it as a lose-lose proposition. But I myself prefer to view every challenge as an opportunity in disguise. Maybe... just maybe... you can find a solution that brings about enough justice to satisfy those harmed by the cheat while simultaneously showing some level of mercy to their friend.
The justice-first approach would demand banishment of this player from the game and at the same time a loss of trust and friendship. A mercy-first approach might allow this guy to remain a friend and perhaps even a member of the poker crew.
If you only enforce justice or grant mercy, then somebody will not be happy about it. That is the lose-lose proposition.
But as a person who values friendship over poker and refuses to see this as a lose-lose scenario, my question would be... is there an alternative consequence (other than banishment and simultaneous loss of friendship) that could satisfy the need for justice but also satisfy the desire for mercy?
To me, whatever you do, the only way to get a win-win out of this will be to find a way satisfy both. What that way is, I leave to you.
But I again want to commend you @Taghkanic for what I perceive as your integrity, character and a genuine desire to do what is right. You have my respect and admiration.